


Fucked Up Girls

by roundupthefriendsyougot (queerahsoka)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, SFS2020, vague discussion of bad shit debbie has done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26513926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerahsoka/pseuds/roundupthefriendsyougot
Summary: Recent events make Debbie think about her impact on the people in her life.
Relationships: Debbie Gallagher/Sandy Milkovich
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	Fucked Up Girls

**Author's Note:**

> this is my attempt at how I think Debbie should start to reconcile with her past relationships because it really is an elephant in the room, but, I love her. so. 
> 
> and now she has Sandy! who is a Milkovich, and has undoubtedly done her fair share of harmful stuff. maybe they can help each other out with that.

Sandy was sat on the back porch of Mickey's house, smoking a cigarette with her knees hugged to her chest as she looked up at the sky. It was just after dark and there wasn't a star to be seen. Chicago light pollution. She liked these nights, though. Here at Mick's new house with his new family. But she had to chuckle to herself at that, really. Mickey was definitely her favorite cousin and all, and one of her best friends, but she was mostly hanging around for his sister-in-law. They were...girlfriends, maybe, but definitely something. It was new and they hadn't had a serious conversation about it, but it was nice. It was just nice, and easy, and fun. 

  
On nights like these Sandy would be outside, chain smoking and sipping on a beer while Debbie was upstairs putting her daughter to bed. Eventually Debbie would come out the back door with the sound of a beer bottle being twisted open and she'd sit down next to her. And they'd just laugh, and talk shit, and jaw off about inconsequential stuff like tattoos that Sandy wanted to get or Debbie's latest racket with her welding buddies. Tonight was a little different though, as Debbie had come home slamming the front door and muttering angrily about the ongoing Julia-Claudia situation. It was a never-ending drama-filled bullshit party, but, Debbie technically was guilty. So, what could she do? 

  
The back door creaked open and Sandy looked over her shoulder to see Debbie scowling tiredly as she came to sit down on the top step with her. Sandy couldn't help the amused smile on her face. The situation was serious, she knew, but the absurdity of the whole thing just got to her. 

  
"The fuck are you making that face at?" Debbie said as he opened her Old Style. 

  
Sandy shrugged innocently. "Nothing. Those bitches raking you over the coals?" 

  
"Of course," Debbie spat, but then deflated. Sandy saw something change in her look there, like she was thinking about the situation, in a much more serious way than her anger had allowed her up until this point. "I just. I don't know. It's like...I feel guilty."

  
Sandy scoffed. "Why?" She didn't wait for an answer. She didn't want Debbie to get worked up over this. She didn't want her to feel bad, ever. "Like, yeah, there's the law and then there's what's actually good or bad. Is fucking someone who's three years younger than you _bad?_ " 

  
"No!" Debbie said with a wave of her hand, a signal that that wasn't what was making her feel guilty. "It's just...that _it is illegal,_ I was playing a dangerous game and I knew I was. And I was cheating, at the same time, and infecting someone else's family with Gallagher chaos."

  
"That part's true, at least." 

  
"Yeah, and shit, I don't know, Sandy." Debbie sipped her beer and leaned back a little to look up at the black sky. "It's weird because I feel guilty. But I also feel like a victim. This could jeopardize my custody of Franny, and my whole fucking life, and job opportunities or whatever. That rich bitch makes one phone call and now everything is fucked."

  
Sandy waited for Debbie to speak again, and when she didn't she leaned forward gently knocked her knee into Debbie's. "You feel like a victim because you are a victim."

  
"Yeah, yeah I know. But..." Debbie let out a shaky breath, eyes still on the sky, and Sandy realized that she'd never seen Debbie this emotionally compromised. Fuck, she hadn't even known Debbie had a side this raw. She's seen angry and happy and sentimental and horny but this was a whole different level. "I've never been in a relationship where I didn't cause chaos. And I don't want to keep leaving a trail of bodies behind me."

  
"I don't know," Sandy said with a little shrug. "I like your chaos, Gallagher."

  
"Not that kind of chaos." Debbie groaned and shook her head. She was serious about this, whatever this was, and she didn't want to joke about it. Okay. Sandy could do that. "You know, I've always thought I was a good person. I've always tried to be one. When I was a kid, I raised money for charity even though back then we had nothing. Once, when I was ten, I got all this money and I spent it on a new water heater for us. I've always tried to help everyone that I can but," Debbie's breath shook again as she let out a heavy sigh, and Sandy saw her eyes growing red and teary. "I think I've done more harm than good."

  
Sandy leaned in, brows furrowed, and brushed a strand of hair behind Debbie's ear. "Hey, you know, most of us have." 

  
"Every relationship I've been in, I was trying to do my best to get what I wanted, and twist the situation to work for me, and manipulate and just..." Debbie wipes away a tear threatening to spill and takes a steadying sip off her beer. "I don't want to do that anymore. And I want to make up for it all."

  
Sandy's heart sank at that. She didn't know exactly what Debbie meant, what things she'd done in her past relationships, but she could tell that weighed heavily on her. And that all this was sincere. She wanted to stop being a hurricane in other people's lives. She wanted to break the cycle of Gallagher chaos. That seemed to be a theme around here lately, and that she could relate to. Her and Mickey also came from a fucked up family with fucked up antics and fucked up poisonous habits. Sandy herself was guilty. Of a lot of things. Of being chaos and poison. And while she had no intention of cleaning up her act and getting an office job and a white picket fence, she wanted to do less damage.

  
Sandy thought about telling Debbie that. But she figured it wouldn't help anything. So instead she asked, "How are you going to do that?"

  
Debbie shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know how to make up for it all." 

  
Sandy moved closer to Debbie and slipped a hand around her thigh, rubbing her palm up and down her jeans, soothing. "Maybe that comes after. How are you going to stop creating chaos?"

  
"Take care of my daughter. Work. I don't know, if I'm a registered sex offender it'll be pretty hard to rent a house so I guess I'm staying here, and maybe I can work on this place. Fix it up, make it a good home for me and Franny and whoever else wants to stick around. Bare essentials, you know? My home, my family, myself. Learn how to have a relationship without fucking up anyone's life." She turned her eyes down to Sandy, a look filled with apprehension, but none of what Debbie had said had scared Sandy.   
Sandy's whole life had been filled with assholes that had no intention of changing, or stopping, or anything like that. And here was this girl, this messy teen mom from her neighborhood who had a life like hers and knew the world that Sandy came from, understood what made Sandy tick, but she was trying to atone. To be responsible for the destruction she'd caused. It was rare to find someone who'd had a life like hers but still held on to their fucking humanity. 

  
Sandy pressed her lips to Debbie's. Fast. Desperate. Hands in her hair, pulling her in close. And Debbie let her. She kissed her back, her breath still uneasy, still angry and weighed down by guilt. And Sandy couldn't help but think, _wow, this girl might be as fucked up as I am, and I might love her._

  
Debbie pulled back to catch her breath, and she moved her lips to speak but Sandy didn't let her. Softly, quietly she whispered against Debbie's lips, "Listen, you want to be better, you want to fix the shit you've disturbed. Debbie, that alone makes you better than half the people I know. You aren't a bad person."

  
Debbie's lip trembled. "I just,"

  
"No." Sandy pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her lips. "You can't fix it all in one night. Don't fuckin' stress on it anymore tonight, okay? Just be here with me." 

  
It was Debbie this time that brought their lips together, slow but hard, intense. Sandy pulled Debbie onto her lap, straddling her, and though she was heavier than Sandy her weight was comforting. This messy Southside white trash girl was slowly becoming everything to her.

  
Sandy broke off the kiss and gently guided Debbie's head down to her neck, to rest on her shoulder, and she held her tight against her body. "I promise you can't fuck me up." She whispered. She meant it earnestly, but Debbie blew out a soft laugh. 

  
"I can believe that." Debbie said, nuzzling into her collar. 

  
Smiling, Sandy continued. "I'm serious, I've done things, been a part of thing that I wish I hadn't. That I can't undo. And hearing you actually talk about turning it around? It's something that Milkoviches rarely get to consider. But I like thinking about it. And I like being with someone who gets it."

  
"Maybe this could be a fresh start for both of us." 

  
"Yeah," Sandy breathed out, placing a kiss to the top of Debbie's head. "I think it could be."


End file.
